Ten Things Birth Parents Wish Adoptive Parents Knew 

  1. Please do not feel threatened by me – I want you to parent my child because I cannot at this point in my life.
  2. Please tell your child all about me. If you have my picture, please put it in their Lifebook.
  3. I am afraid that you will disappear from my life forever now that you have your child.
  4. Just because I don’t respond to your letters and photos, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care… sometimes it is just hard for me to reach back to you.
  5. Birthdays and Mother’s Day may be very difficult for me – it would be nice to hear from you on those days.
  6. Please do not be late sending photos and updates – it makes me feel like you have forgotten about me and you don’t care.
  7. In the future, I may need you to be flexible about the nature and frequency of our contact.
  8. Years from now, my life may be very different but I will always remember.
  9. Honor my background so that your child can feel proud of who they are and where they came from.
  10. All of us in the Adoption Triad have suffered a profound loss – it is something we all share and something which binds us together.